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The current period marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your decision to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly kill any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {